I'm writing from my garage, where I'm indulging in a post-O cigarette (I smoke, he doesn't, my terms for quitting include a baby and we have travel plans coming up that I'd rather not be knocked up for! ). Pet worked all lll day, and sent several naughty messages about wanting to get me off, wanting to eat me out - his favorite, though my self-consciousness took a long time to get over itself! - about how horny he was. He wasn't whining, which is a big no no, and he didn't ask to be let out, he was just telling me. And dammit, that was a serious turn on. He knows he isn't getting out until tomorrow.
I. Could. Not. Cum.
This isn't even really news; I'm a very strange woman in that I tend to need penetration to get off, and even then, it's not a sure thing. Orgasms with other people require a level of trust that I never had before him, and it can still be hard for me to relax enough. A few drinks usually help, but my wine was letting me down. At one point I was stealthily crying. Not for me... but because I know how much it bugs him. I didn't leave right after because I needed a cigarette, I left because I feel like a failure and I needed a moment to regroup. I take anti-depressants (most of the time) and anti anxiety meds, and these things wreak havoc on my body. He knows that. He's never horrible if I don't get off. But it cuts me to the quick to see the dissapointment in his eyes.... and after going quite a little while without an orgasm, tonight's wasn't exactly show stopping.
These are the moments I fail as a Domme. These are the moments when I feel weak and afraid and lonely, even though he's right there, never judging me.
He still isn't getting off tonight. Poor pet.
Sorry I failed at giving you a bigger one mistress. But don't feel down, I could bury my face in your sweet cunt all night long
ReplyDeleteA beautiful post. I am a man, by the way...
ReplyDeleteOrgasms may not be that necessary, save on occasion... There was a 19th century American woman doctor who wrote a number of books on sexuality. She was very much at the avant-garde. Alas, I forget her name, but will try to remember it. In her first books, she talked of the idea that, in a sexual relationship, the man should orgasm very little, i.e. not often (once a month maybe), while the woman should have as many orgasms as she wants in each sex act. In this manner, the man would remain loving, caring, etc., and the woman would be, well, quite satisfied.
In her later works, she modified this position, saying that BOTH the man and the woman should avoid orgasming as much as possible, as this had an effect of bringing a couple ever closer together.
This is what leads me to say that orgasms need not always be the goal of a sex act. The goal is closeness, tenderness. And of course, it is well know that a man who does not orgasm is always a kinder more attentive mate.
What about me? I am married. I do fuck my wife and I even masturbate, but I prevent myself from coming, i.e. from having an orgasm in both of these activities (fucking my wife and masturbating). I have gone up to three months without having an orgasm.
Do I wear a cage? No, I don't. But each to his or her own.
You have begun a nice blog. I hope you will keep writing. Thank
The name of that 19th century female doctor is: Alice B. Stockham (1833-1912). She was an obstetrician and a gynaecologist.
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